Why hello there internet, miss me?

What's been going on: I was reading over some of my previous blog posts, besides reaffirming that they are terrible and nobody should read them I found one where I went on a bit of a "rant" about iphones and the people that like them. I have to retract that statement as I now have an iphone and I am not one of those people...although I do like latees (shut up). My car got stolen as well the other day, kinda weird. The Navy project I was working on is over so no more blogging from exotic locations like Milwaukee, WI.

What I'm pissed off about: People that are offended at the idea of helping Haiti earthquake victims. You know the kind of people I am talking about, the idiots who say things like "I don't know why we got to help Haitians when we have starving/sick/poor people here in this country". Translation; Im a racist hilljack nationalist dickbag who thinks where you are born has something to do with your value as a human being. These people drive me crazy. Any sane person should be much more than willing to donate a few bucks to help a poor people in a poor country get the basic necessities to survive. Not like the lazy piece of shit american poor people who most likely have squandared every oppportunity in front of them. Not some meth head mother who popped out a couple of unwanted children because she was to stupid to use protection or worse just wanted an increase in her welfare check every month. I wish we could import more people in this country who actually want to be here and eject an equal amount of scumbags so they can see what its like to really be poor.

What I'm scared of: Zhu Zhu Pets. Creepy little beeping wheeled hamsters with a basic AI that allows them to move around on their own. (Yes I already took one apart to make sure I am aware of all their weaknesses.) One more weird look and their getting their batteries removed. There is a war coming.

Oh and 2 feet of snow on top of 2 feet of snow..global warming..its a fact.

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The Birth of a Nation.

Sometimes an idea only takes a few beers, a few vodka tonics, and a few shots of tequila, to become a great idea. On Saturday July 4th 2009 some 233 years after the birth of the United States of America, comes an even greater event in the history of mankind and his plight for freedom. The inception of 'America 2.o'.



Much has to be decided by America 2.0's leadership council but I am eager to release a few details of our new nation:

• Cooking breakfast outside on sunday morning while listening to Barry White at a medium volume is encouraged, maybe even a little Huey Lewis on special occasions.


• N*SCAR is a swear word in America 2.0


• Robot and Zombie resistance will be the key goal of theAmerica 2.0 military industrial complex.
• Does anyone know how to make tequila? If so you are granted citizenship immediately.

I am sure there were many more great ideas discuused that night but as mentioned before many spirited beverages were consumed and we are all thankful that no serious injuries were inflicted during our sweet sweet fireworks celebration. If you want to add anything that I forgot feel free.

LOL PETA you make me laugh

I'm a little slow on responding to this, but I think it was last week when PETA decided to rear its ugly head and condemn president obama for "murdering" an innocent fly. This is certainly douchebaggery at its highest possible level. Now I could go on some 5000 word rant about how stupid this is, but I really just have a couple of questions for them:

What about plants? Why not show compassion for them? Nobody cares about the potato ripped out of the ground only to be mashed up and eaten by (gasp) animals! What about baby carrots? I mean they are just babies for god sakes. A bit hipocritical if you ask me, only caring about one of the 2 major life forms on this planet

Since there are only 2 major forms of life on this planet, that would mean if you are not a plant than you are an animal.... we are animals. I don't see PETA getting all worked up over human rights violations, why is that? We are animals too. And to that point animals eat and kill other animals. Does Peta members get wind of a house cat killing a bird for no reason and throw in their birkenstocks and hemp necklaces and go out an protest? I bet they don't.

So in closing I would just like to say that PETA is dumb, and if you are a member of PETA I would at least hope that you do not reproduce.

A blog update? Why so soon?

That's exactly what I was thinking. Certainly one could think that I'm losing interest in this blog but the reality is its my blog and I'll post an update whenever the mood strikes(IF you think you are better than me go ahead and start your own blog). Besides the three people that actually read this blog have probably stopped reading it, not because of my lack of content but mostly because it sucks. Since it has been so long the right thing to do here is a series of bullet points on some goings on since my last blog.

• This I won't go into a lengthy discussion of what is obviously pure lunacy, and this is our government at work. Yes your right Mr. Senator free speech is a wonderful thing, and I'm free to come to the conclusion that you are retarded. Like its not enough to just deny the climate is changing you actually go to the length to quote a theological book for answers to a scientific problem. Oh and if you read this and think I support Al Gore's bullshit you are wrong too.


• Swine Flu! What a joke, its just the flu STFU about it already. The only logical explanation that I can come up with is that is what a joint effort fund raiser between the media and the consumer healthcare industry. tens of thousands of jerks in this country die a year from the "regular" flu, and a few people get sick and I have to deal with douche bags wearing surgical masks at the airport.
• Have you seen the new Terminator moive? You should. I have not seen it, but that's because I don't need to as I am much more in tune to the certain destruction we face from robots than most people.
• Someone asked me today if I saw the move "Valkrie" or whatever its called, and had the nerve to be shocked when I said I can't watch Tom Cruise on film. Am I the only one? The guy has been at the top of my celebrity douche list for years. He sucks. Scientology is dumb. Thetans are dumb. Paying money to a fake church to cleanse your soul via auditing is dumb..stop laughing christians.

That's probably enough bullet points anyway. I don't want to write too much and go another full 6 weeks withoug blogging.

When I grow up I want to be a tugboat captain..

I was reading the Lancaster Sunday News on Sunday(surprise) when in the parade magazine they had their annual "What People Earn" report. In this report is a sampling of what different people earn(No rocket science here). Nurses Aids that earn in the thousands, lawyers that earn in the hundreds of thousands, and hedge fund managers in the hundreds of millions. That is when I saw it. Tugboat Captain 59,000 per year. What a great job, you get to play around on a boat all day, make almost 60k per year and to top it off, robots can't swim. Yes, when I grow up I want to be a tugboat captain. Plus you would get to wear a bad ass hat.

It's not funny, but at the same time it is kind of funny.

I wonder how long its been since the secretary of state of the United States of America had to express concern over pirates. I can't even type this without chuckling. Today the media reports on pirate attacks on boats that contain American citizens, tomorrow the mass hysteria will start. Rush Limbaugh will come on the radio and say anyone who dresses up as a pirate for halloween is "unpatriotic", he will ask for Johnny Depp to have his citizen ship revoked. Morons will listen. People will stage public events where "Pirates of the Caribbean" DVD's are run over with a steam roller, eye patches will be called "freedom patches". Congress will get together and send swashbucklers to internment camps for re-education. Then when the hysteria reaches a fever pitch, and when the 24 hour news networks are calling for retribution, the administration will act. We will attack England. They will say that England being the birthplace of perhaps the most famous pirate Blackbeard, was to blame. America needs an enemy.